I'm gonna have a badass scar
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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