if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In other news, I just burned my penis
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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