If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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