Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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