you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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