even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
