During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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