he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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