This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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