i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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