There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
