and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
