her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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