I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
