i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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