he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
