Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
