I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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