So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
