Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
