Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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