My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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