Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
