why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
