Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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