dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My boob is missing a layer of skin
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
