Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
