I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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