Swine flu. Run for my life!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
