HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
