Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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