I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I need moral support for this bender
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
