just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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