guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
