also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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