pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
