I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
