i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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