Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
