Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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