so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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