Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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