I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
