I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
