The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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