He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
