I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
