i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
