the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
