rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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