everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
